Who feels trapped? 

Do you ever feel trapped? If so, how do you get out of it. Is IT a bad thing? I would think people don’t like feeling trapped. Or do they? I think what I am feeling right now is comfortable with my situation. Is that trapped? Well, kind of. I suppose if an old confused relationship IS my roomate, I may be preventing myself from creating new relationships.

I mean, we stay home but I’m a home body. We hang out together a lot because we like to do similar things in our free time.  Dependency is what’s the worst. Do u disagree? I don’t like the feeling of having to depend on someone but I seem to like the way it feels and attract people who are dependent on me. How about you? Many of you have children and that’s different than adult dependency relationships.

You know what i told her today? My roommate…. 

“You’re not respecting yourself, if your not taking care of your health.” 

Do you guys out there agree or disagree? Is it too harsh? Because quite frankly, I’d like to coin it- you know, as a slogan.  It may sound silly, or simple but don’t you think we aught to be reminded of this from time to time? If not by each other, than by whom?  How about if we’re reminded by the health insurance companies? Please drop a note if u can spare your time. I’d love to hear your perspective.

Here’s one guy not scared to express his perspective.

My pussy…

Being alone

I wouldn’t say that approaching 35, I’m confident I’ll meet someone at this juncture in my life…but I would say, I’m confident in being with myself.

I don’t mean that in a lonely, old, miserable, trite, cat lady way; I mean it in a strong, caring, family oriented, confident, single woman kinda way.

It’s taken a while to get here and let go of all of society’s pressures & belief systems, regarding ‘personal’ happiness.

“Love is the heart of the home.” I got a great friend, uno perro and two wonderful pussy-cats, that’s my love.  

All this time, I’ve been putting emphasis on three need for love for a lover and  love for a child. No joke, been dreaming about the kid crap ever since I played house with The Snaps (family friends) and was always in charge of Big Baby.  With Big Baby came Big responsibility!  She came to the grocery store always; she didn’t want to be left out of the food selection process.  However, if she made bad choices, I would help lead towards a healthy alternative. 

Oh yes, I ran a democratic game of House in my day, where Big Baby got to make solid choices, everybody got a turn to be Mom & Dad & there were natural consequences for showing up late to an important family function.

And now? My values and obstacles are rather similar, as to when I was that little girl playing house…  Although, I don’t have any of my own, I still work very closely with children.  I like to think that I have an influential relationship with many of them and everyone still gets a turn to be Mom and Dad, without me needing to be in that role myself. 

Love is the heart of my home; with my roomate, her dog and our cats, I no longer long for a traditional SO relationship, nor is there a longing for children; between the ones I work withh and the pussies at home, I’m confident in my mind traditional relationships.

Cheers to the kiddies!

Fear 😱

I’d like to say, I’m afraid of nothing because I know that being fearful is not productive; it’s how we handle these feelings that is important.

When i was a little girl I was afraid of things like the Boogie Man movie and being alone in the dark. Now, I’m afraid of making wrong decisions that impact other people, or not feeling good about my relationship with my mother.

But the real impact comes when i think of death. I don’t want to be how do they say, “on the fritz” with my mother, when she dies. That’s a crappy feeling to have. 

It’s mostly about other people dying and my relationship with them at their TOD.  I’ve felt regrets when “losing”people before because of some ego centered circumstance, regarding a disagreement.

I know “unfinished business” is trite in this dash of an existence; we need to get right down to it, from the get go.

 SEDONA, ARIZONA 2016